Flash Fiction #34

Winter. Spring. Summer. Autumn.

As I stared outside, each passing season always give me a signal that my birthday is coming up during the year. Here I am in this room all alone. Every other day in the year is all the same. Sleep. Eat. Work. There's no one to spend it with, and I'm just too tired to do anything after work. It must have been that time when everything became the same day after day. Days became weeks which in turn became months, and eventually years. I'm not sure what to do with my life anymore. I'm not good at anything, and am satisfied being the mediocre person in a mediocre job for a predictable future. 

What was it like to have passion? You must have taught me in high school when we met. That first meeting when you picked up the guitar after walking into the music room, and started playing. You must have heard me playing down the hallway. The good thing about playing the piano when I was younger was it could be played solo. I never had friends, and thought I didn't need them. I didn't have to depend on others, and risk getting hurt. But you made me open my eyes.

I envied your vision of the world. I admired your goals for the future, like what and where you wanted to be in the next decade or so. I never had that thought, and wanted to ride your wave to see you succeed. You were my beacon of hope in the darkness. You made me believe everything will turn out fine in the end. Then you were gone like a snap of a finger. They said it was just a traffic accident, but I wasn't ready for you to disappear so soon. I wanted to see you accomplish your dreams because I never had any. You made me not want to be alone anymore because you promised to be there for me. You lied and hurt me more than anyone else.

Everything became meaningless. I had no beacon to be drawn to like a firefly, and was burnt out. I could see it in all of my classmates' eyes when they felt sad for me, but I knew they were acting to keep up appearances. I couldn't trust any of their words. My life continued on as if you didn't exist before I met you. I didn't want to feel the pain again that I felt for you that day, so I simply drifted forward in life being a mediocre person in a mediocre job for a predictable future. The only one I can depend on is the piano.

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